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At a time in my life where I was happy to be going solo and had come to love myself quite dearly, I met a man who would change my life in very drastic ways.We seemed destined to be forever. We moved quickly towards making a life together as if in some urgency we had to be bound to one another at that moment or our worlds would fall. We bypassed conventional wisdoms, wrapped ourselves in each other and enjoyed the illusion. Only we were disillusioned. In reality, it was the wrong time. He was fresh out of a failed marriage and carrying the baggage of a bitter ex-wife and an angry/confused/hurt pre-teen daughter. He was not ready for what is/was me and I am not sure that I was really ready for what it meant to be with him.I am coming to realize that the hopes of finding that one person that was meant for you are clouded by the fairytale endings of Cinderella, Snow White, and countless other children’s stories. As young women, we were groomed to believe that our prince charming will be charming. He will ride in on his horse and take us away from our worries. He will rescue us and our lives will be forever charmed.The problem is that there are no true “prince charmings”. Oh, they are charming as they lay out their “resumes” and interview for the job. Yet, when they get the job, they soon start to take advantage of flex time, they resent their boss, and you realize that the resume is what they want to believe of themselves and what they want you to believe. In this, it is not really a lie. However, it should come with a disclaimer. The disclaimer could read: “This is me in a perfect world. But, when the world is not perfect, look out!”

Don’t get me wrong. I am in no way bashing any particular gender. I am not intending this to be the rantings of a bitter woman scorned by missed opportunity, misunderstandings, miscommunications, missed connections, missing someone. This reasoning applies from both directions. Women are guilty of the non-disclaimer resume as well. After all, Prince Charming knew exactly what Snow White needed. She was laying there asleep. She didn’t have to ask for a kiss. He just knew. We expect men to know what we are thinking, wanting, needing without having to express it. After all, if he is supposed to be for me, then I shouldn’t have to explain me, right? Wrong!!!

This comes to the new definition of soulmate. It is not one someone who is out there waiting for us. There is not someone who has been sitting around all their life waiting for Kai to come by and sweep him off his feet. He has been experiencing life, has had his ups and downs, perhaps has children, scorned lovers, disowned friends, believed in loved, failed in loved, trusted, mistrusted, denied the truth, lived in a lie, lost a loved one, pushed away a loved one, shunned love. He has lived and may be able to see a new, ever-changing life with a new if only given the opportunity to hear and be heard. Your soulmate is someone who will work with you (most of the time), against you a few times, for you all of the time. He/she is willing to put in the effort that it takes to move a relationship in and out of the honeymoon stage for the next 50+ years. Your soulmate is simply committed to being committed regardless of the moments of pain. This person realizes that those moments of pain can lead to growth and redefinition of what is and how it is to be truly loved, loving, committed.

So, my life has been changed. I have, from a faltered love, a beautiful baby boy, a newer understanding of self, new determination to grow, and a new definition of soulmate