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A motorcycle

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5. A second bed.  They climb in my bed when I am too sleepy to protest.  The girl cuts my gums with her toenail; the boy kicks off my covers; The Man, okay WTF.

4. A friend without kids.  Sometimes I don’t want to talk about kids, see kids, or remember I have kids. 

3.  A friend with more kids than me.  “You have three, what’s a few more? Thanks for letting them stay.”

2. A motorcycle.  “I wish you could go but, see, there’s no room.”

1. A dead bolt on the bathroom door.  Really? Couldn’t wait for me to wipe and wash?