5. A second bed. They climb in my bed when I am too sleepy to protest. The girl cuts my gums with her toenail; the boy kicks off my covers; The Man, okay WTF.
4. A friend without kids. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about kids, see kids, or remember I have kids.
3. A friend with more kids than me. “You have three, what’s a few more? Thanks for letting them stay.”
2. A motorcycle. “I wish you could go but, see, there’s no room.”
1. A dead bolt on the bathroom door. Really? Couldn’t wait for me to wipe and wash?